Peter Panto

Peter Panto. You really blew.
From camp-as-pink-tents-at-Christmas choreography to bumpy blocking, you sucked. Gay stereotypes? In 2013? Come on. In fact, don’t. Strike that-reverse it. Please leave the theatre post haste.
And AS you leave, do not dare wave to or spray water onto the parents in attendance, recognisable from their cringey shrinking into their seats, being lovers of true theatrical art. You can, however, make sure your roller-skating Tinkerbell waves to my kids, who have lapped up every moment and relished every crowbarred pun.
My kids, who have taken your gay piratical nonsense and converted it into information, asking sensible questions on sexuality. My kids- able to cut through your crap, and more so, mine. You can therefore feel free to whack any scathing critics sat front of house.
And by the way, my hat doesn’t taste very nice.

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