Here’s how it goes:

There’s a girl. The girl looks half decent. And by decent, I mean that she has female parts- the sum of which apparently, in the minds of many, equate to “you flatter me enough and I will fuck you”. For she has no brain, you see. Not a cell. She can’t have – she’s a girl.

She’s an Aileen or a Lisa or an Anna or a Kate – she’s everywoman.

She befriends some geezer on social media, due to mutual friends and/or common interests. Said geezer knows exactly how easy she is, for she has flickingly long hair. ASKING for it, she is. She MUST be – he’s sure he saw some cleavage in one of those selfies of hers.

After precisely three seconds, the “you’re gorgeous” comments come flooding into her inbox. She must simply love hearing this because, after all, she occasionally wears lippie. And women only wear the stuff when they’re on the pull, right?

She ignores this, and because she always gives people the doubt’s benefit, continues on her merry way putting the universe to rights and annotating aforementioned social media outlet with every single thought that pops into her bonce. But even though (and perhaps BECAUSE) it’s a beautiful bonce, surely she must be tired of all this CULTURE she seems to relish so? She needs a good bangin’. That’s what she needs. HE will TELL her what she needs.

POETRY, though? Damn.

She likes a book or two? Hmm.

He sees her cleverness as another IN. Let’s use that, he thinks. I’ll tell her how smart she is – bet she’s never been told that before. She won’t see past my crafty ruse or crack my code, he thinks.

The lame-arsed twat then proceeds to TELL her those alarm-bell words:

“You’re actually really smart”.


As in “I am surprised that this is so. Because you’re soooo pretty/beautiful/a mere girl”

Dumb Dude’d presumed otherwise. And SO dumb is DD that he doesn’t realise that  telling her how smart she ACTUALLY is ACTUALLY says more than a shitload of ACTUAL steaming hot horsepoo about his shitty little dungself, actually.

(You can save some time by avoiding telling someone they are ACTUALLY really smart. Just chase-cut and tell ’em they look downright dense. Brevity is the day’s order, after all).

Back to this particular gobshite.

He had clearly expected her to fall *into his arms, for so fucking flattering was his fucking flattery that she just DAMN her brainlessness!

*onto his cock.

But alas.…he must resign himself to her choice of unfriending or blockery…she has an amazing brain and the BEST ears. Ears that have served her well.

And why?

When a bloke tells a girl they’re actually really smart, their smarty-pants bullshit horsepoo filter sieves through the crap.

When a bloke tells a girl they’re actually really smart, what she actually hears is that you, sir, are not.


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