Hallmarked (or: The Last Laugh)



Snorty McSnorterson
Laughed so hard
That he’d even laugh
At Hallmark Cards;
He found said crap
Excessively risible
He’d cackle away like a witch
Or a wizard – well;
Snorty he laughed,
He laughed so wrong
That he’d have a good giggle
At funeral songs.
He chortled away
At his Nanna’s fresh grave
And he guffawed with spit
At the service they gave.
And he laughed at the war
And at poverty, cancer
When he thought it was apt
To continue with banter.
And I knew there was no chance
Of stopping the twat;
Short of killing him now
Or he’d carry on roaring
And laugh off his head,
But now, he would giggle
Until he went dead.
So, Snorty McSnorterson
Laughed his last laugh
When he ate his last meal
At a greasy spoon caff
For the waitress in there
Was a lass he’d forgotten
(He’d left her the day
after banging her rotten)
No thoughts after that,
Nor a care in the world;
He’d wiped from his mind
The hot semen he’d shared.
It stayed with her, though
And as life grew inside her
He’d laugh all alone
In the pub, on shite cider.
But back once again
To the renegade mistress
An opportune time
-for she just couldn’t miss this:
A quick dose of murder
Dropped into his brew;
Made him stagger –
Whilst laughing –
Alone to the loo;
Got the dose from her dad
(He’s a medic – he snuck it);
A precise l’il prescription
For kickage of bucket.
So Snorty he shat;
-Just had shits with no giggles
And then died on the bog
In an unfunny riddle.
He’d laughed himself dead,
The ridiculous lout
And they found him just sat there;
His insides were out.
As we laid him to rest,
I whispered a word;
And silence – not laughter
Was all that we heard.
“I brought her up right,
Mister Snorty McSnorterson.
You just do not mess
With my beautiful daughter, son”.

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