Ma -That actress was in the paper again, did you see her dress?
Ma -She was in that film with whatshisname. Garfield.
Lin -What the ACTUAL?
Ma -Garfield. He played Garfield.
Lin -You do know I have NO IDEA what you’re talking about?
Ma -Ok, erm…she was in that thing with the fella from the other thing.
Lin -Nope. Think again, Ma…
Ma -The THING! The one with Leslie Nielsen.
Lin -Naked Gun? Forbidden Planet?
Ma -He was in Schindling’s list.
Lin -(Trying not to laugh) I think you mean Liam Neeson, Ma.
Ma -Yes. But not him, the other fella. Relph. Yeah – that’s ‘im.
Lin-Ralph Fiennes? When did he play Garfield?
Ma -The one on the moors. With the girl from the song. The Kate Bush one.
Lin – Oh my good god.
Ma – What?
Lin – H E A T H C L I F F, mother. That’s an altogether different cat.
Ma – That’s the clown.
Lin – I’m losing the will to live…
Ma – So does he.
Lin – AAAAnnnyway…getting back to your original point, some chick was in a film with Ralph Fiennes, yes?
Ma – Yep. Oh wait – she has an abbreviated name. With a J. OOh – J-LAW maybe.
Lin. -Jennifer Lawrence – but I’m not sure if she’s been in anything with Ralph.
Ma – She has! The one where she’s a Maid. In Manhattan. But I can’t remember what it’s called.
Lin – (Groaning) Jennifer Lopez, Ma. And take a stab at the title.
Ma – That’s her! J20!
Lin – That’s a drink, Ma. You mean J-Lo. J-LAW is how you’d say it in a Bury accent.
Ma – Geriatric?
Lin – B U R Y A C C E N T.
Ma – What?