AND SO…

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And so…YOU’RE GONNA write another story. Flash fiction? A novella? You don’t know – having not yet decided (and you’re buggered if you even know WHAT the fuck it’ll be about).

And so, you’ll begin a sentence with ‘and so’, firstly: just because you CAN – and secondly because the rules are supposed to be fucked with. Let those modifiers and participles dangle, bay-bee…if you LIKE the sound of ‘em, let ‘em swaaaaay.

You also like to see sticklers shudder when they see you giving a big YES to one of their no-nos. It would be worth mentioning at this point that BECAUSE you refuse to adhere to the laws and destructions, neither can you not employ double negatives.

Also this: the subject’s not THAT important to you. The theme, the structure, the characterisation….it’ll all just COME together as it always does; as it has done many times before. You have SO many fucked up notions inside your little noggin that whatever needs to come out just WILL. The stranger the order of events, the clearer it is to you. You think differently because you ARE different, damnit – and it shows in your writing.

There SHALL, of course, be swearing in this little story of yours – there *has* to be. You think it? You say it. You don’t listen to your mother who begs you to refrain from fuckery and cunting-twatness just so that she and your father can ‘ave a read of wot you wrote, like.

Furthermore, there is a distinct lack of fuckgivery when it comes to the voice of the piece:

I T S A Y S H E R E that thou wilst not changeth tense or play keys-in-the-middle with third and first and second person. This rule is like a very red flag to an extremely pissed-off bull, fed up with wackily-dressed humans in Mickey Mouse ears. The bull must gouge. You fuck with it, it must gouge.

And so….(again)…you decide to change it. Mix it up. Do the opposite. Forget the active voice, let’s swap it around a little.

It was quite jarring, and deliberately sudden, but THIS is exactly what she decided to do. ^^Right at this ‘ere very juncture. She preferred to write weird shit anyway (not that she actually had any choice in the matter); and what could be weirder than a deliberately annoying piece of crap that fucked with grammar and rules and all that shit? She’d been BORN a pain in the arse and would DIE a pain in the arse – this Opposite Girl from Opposite World. And so, O-Girl would always ensure to find a way to be different – in small ways, ways of such starry bigness that they were of astronomical proportions, and in whatever the fuckotherways she could determine. And that included self-referential verbal diarrhoea in the third person.
And she would. She did. It’s what she did. It’s ALL she did.

And so….I decided to mix it up. First person now. Is all this flipping-about annoying the shit out of you yet? Good. I like to do that.

The first rule of writing is that there are no rules. Just get the fuck on with it. Write in your own voice, using whatever accent and whichever volume you so desire. Then crank it up a little higher.

And so….you write.

And so do I.

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