INT – LIVING ROOM – DAY

We’re in a Northern living room with DENISE, NORMA, JIM, AND DAVE – four members of a much larger family. Nothing’s doing, save three quarters of ’em sittin’ off, watching the box. We see Norma (90s) asleep at one end of the sofa. She twitches and shifts, opens her eyes briefly, and nods off again.

DENISE

Worra we watchin’?

JIM

Gogglebox.

DENISE

What’s it about?

JIM

‘Sabout the telly, Denise.

DENISE

What’dya mean?

JIM

About people who watch the telly. What they’re watchin, what they make of it and stuff.

DENISE

Ohhh.

DAVE (to Denise)

Worra we watchin’?

DENISE

Gogglebox.

DAVE

What’s it about?

DENISE

People who watch the telly.

DAVE

Ohhh. Right.

Enter ANTHONY, (30s), wrapped in a coat.

DENISE

Ey, Anthony, stick us a brew on, would ya?

ANTHONY

Bloody ‘ell! I’ve just got in – what’d yer last slave die of?

DENISE

Aw, go on, Antnee. I’m watchin’ the telly.

ANTHONY retreats to the:

INT – KITCHEN – DAY

We move with ANTHONY to the sink, where we see his Mum, BARBARA, washing the dishes. Anthony grabs the kettle and heads towards the tap.

ANTHONY

Budge up, Mum.

BARBARA moves out of the way to allow ANTHONY to fill the kettle. From the living room, we hear:

JIM

‘Urry up, Antnee. That tea won’t make itself.

ANTHONY

(shouting back to the living room)

Alright – keep yer ‘air on.

We move back to the living room, where we see Denise, Dave, and Jim with their eyes glued to the box as we hear the CLANKING of mugs and spoons in the kitchen, out of our view. Anthony enters from the kitchen, carrying four mugs of tea – two in each hand.

ANTHONY

Worra we watchin’?

DAVE

Gogglebox.

ANTHONY.

What’s it about?

DAVE

The telly.

ANTHONY

Ohhh.

BARBARA enters from the kitchen.

BARBARA

Where’s our Denise?

JIM

She’s gone, Barb.

BARB

Gone where, Jim?

JIM

Dunno, Barb. I just looked up and she’d gone.

(beat)

Dave, d’you know where she’s gone?

DAVE

I don’t, Jim, no.

JIM

Worra ’bout you, Antnee? D’ya see her leave?

ANTHONY

No, Dad, I never. An’ her tea’s ‘ere, goin’ cold.

We pan around the room and see a Denise-shaped void where she should be sitting. NORMA wakes up, and looks around.

NORMA

Where’s our Denise?

We see DAVE shrug as we hear Barbara:

BARBARA

Dunno, Mam. She just left.

NORMA

Ohhh.

As we focus on the sofa’s void, we hear the theme tune of the BBC news headlines, followed by: IT’S FIVE O’CLOCK, GOOD EVENING – HERE IS THE NEWS.

NORMA

Worra we watchin’?

JIM

The news, ya daft bat.

NORMA

What’s it about?

(Beat)

There’s a deafening silence as we go from face to face, taking in their expressions as we hear:

BARBARA

It’s…about…our…Denise.

With their eyes – the eyes of The Royle Family, we move to the TV, where we see a still image of a blonde, beautiful CAROLINE AHERNE (52), and the HEADING in text at the bottom of the screen: CAROLINE AHERNE, 1963-2016. We pan over to a completely empty sofa; an empty, silent living room –  and fade to black.

END SCENE