You didn’t want me
I wanted you
As well you know
You didn’t love me – never could
And even though
I hoped you would
Or dreamed you might…
…I had no fight.
I could not stay
And could not say
I loved you when
You didn’t wish to hear it…
…Because you always feared it.
But this I know: Our letting go
Might hurt our hearts hereafter
But living without love?
We just averted a disaster.
My wasted heart it knew not how to beat;
Instead it chose a terminating pulse;
Preparing to give up, it did retreat
From many tests with negative results.
My poorly heart it wanted to be killed;
Survival was no life with half a heart;
As slowing beats left passions unfulfilled,
So love was paused, no reason to restart.
My dying heart gave up on love at last,
Content without contentment, time to go;
Defibrillation banned, all hopes were dashed;
When love appeared and spoke so I would know:
There’s no more flatlines, no more giving in;
For next to mine, a new heart: shaped like him.
With pages raw and plain, as yet unscribed,
I wrote my life again in book anew.
Once far away from me, true love arrived;
For swift he came, a bolt from darkest blue.
He led me to his soul with eyes so deep;
His lips became a wish upon my own
Too hard to think, impossible to sleep
An instant heart I thought I’d never know.
Beyond perfection, sweet reality
His words and heart and mind so filled with fire
In dreams I thought him up, yet now he’s here;
Surpassing every need and each desire.
I’d written myself sad, no love to be;
Then swift he came, out of the blue: to me.
I wonder: has he ever been a muse,
With poetry and song thrown at his feet?
Has somebody created art anew
As fortune made it so that they should meet?
I wonder: how could anybody fail
To share the love and beauty of his soul?
A magnitude of universal scale;
So powerful, love cannot be controlled.
I wonder: did I tackle something right?
Apparently I did, for I am blessed;
A mission from a darker, sadder life?
For all my wants and hopes have been addressed.
I’ll speak my sentiment in poetry;
Unquestioned beauty speaks in rhyme to me.
I could explore the contents of my heart
Explaining how I feel and what I see
Describing how I felt right from the start
And telling him the things he does to me.
I might decide to speak my thoughts for real;
Be tempted to reveal my inner state;
For how else would he know the way I feel?
Unless, of course, he sees it on my face.
I wonder if he’ll notice through my words;
And whether he’ll be easily convinced
Perhaps when first I speak, I shall be heard
But truth be told: my heart holds everything.
For when he puts his hand there, he will feel;
He’ll know it beats for him because it’s real.